Pictures of you

Every once in a while you will get a glimpse of what your life actually looks like. We all have an idea of what we look like, or what people see when they look at our families, but those ideas are not always the true version of what really is. I am not sure how we could go about seeing what really is, but every once in a while you get a peek at what other people see.

Take, for example, a picture of yourself. Do we ever really believe that that is what we look like? Do we ever really like the pictures of ourselves? I don't. That is not what I see when I look into a mirror. But obviously it is what other people see when they look at me.

I used to have this image of myself. Keep in mind that this was 11 years ago, before my bubble was burst when purchasing our first house. Do you remember the scene in Sleeping with the Enemy when Julia Roberts was at the fairgrounds? When she was with Ben and the camera was swirling around her while she laughed and smiled? That is what I thought people saw when they looked at me. Not her, but a smiling happy person all the time. What I found out that day, in March of 1997, was that I was a scary person. People were frightened of me.

What? Talk about bursting your bubble!

I was at the closing and our friend from college was our mortgage broker. I remember asking the lady that owned the house if the rugs were going to be cleaned before we moved in. She replied "Yes, Mam" with a look of... well I don't really know, but I remember being shocked. Why would this stranger treat me this way? What did she see that I didn't? On the way out, I remember asking Kevin about it and getting a strange look from Sully. Later I asked Kevin what Sully's look was all about. Apparently Kevin's friends were scared of me too.

A little while later I took a trip with a friend to go visit Kevin's sister Courtney at college. I told them what had happened, and asked if they could believe it. Apparently they could, because they both replied that sometimes I scared them too!

What is going on!

It ended up being a good thing, because if I never found out, I could never have changed it. For the most part, I feel that I am no longer a scary person. I can still turn it on when I want to, just ask my second graders or my own kids or some stupid sales clerk or bad waitperson. I mean really. It is so hard to provide good service when IT IS YOUR JOB to do so? Any who... back to glimpses.

Lately my youngest daughter is going through a language spurt. She is picking up new words left and right. One of her new favorites is "stop it." At first I thought "how funny!" but then I started thinking about it. What made her pick up those words and how can she already use them in appropriate situations? Hum... Maybe it is something that she hears often. Another glimpse of our crazy life. Great.

So now I have another view of what my life looks like. I am still not sure it is the right view, but this is how I feel we look....

Let me know if you agree. =)